Thursday, December 10, 2009

Unenlightening

I am now three months post radiation therapy, which was given as followup to a big surgery, which was followup to chemotherapy, which was followup to earlier radiation, which was followup to a previous massive surgery, which was followup to the first round of chemotherapy, which was followup to the first surgery, which was followup to finding a scary tumor during a colonoscopy, which was followup to years of telling doctors that I had rectal bleeding and nausea.


So I had another set of PET/CT scans to see how successful this has all been and check whether I need to follow up with yet more treatment. There are a few reports that one might expect at this point:

Enlightening
You are healthy and we don't see any problems. Go home and enjoy the holidays!
You have a problem here. Let's get moving on taking care of it.

Unenlightening
You might have problems, but we don't know what they are. They might get worse. We can't do anything if they do. Maybe somebody else can, but who knows? Enjoy the holiday!

I got the unenlightening report this time. Having seen my own scans, I realize that it's too much to expect a clean bill of health. I'm such a mess inside that it's beyond the capabilities of modern medical science to decipher just what's in there. The best gauge of how healthy I am is how I feel. But my worry is that I don't feel good enough to be in the clear.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

How is your CEA? That will tell you more than anything else.

Mary said...

I am sorry you don't feel well enough to be in the clear. Daily prayers for strength, hope, and peace continue on your behalf. You have been an inspiration to many, many persons who have or will face life-threating illnesses. Thank you for sharing your battle with us.
Here's hoping your next update will find you feeling better!

Alena said...

Keeping you in my thoughts! It will never be easy, but all things are possible.

Rick Wagner said...

My CEA is down from 271 in September to 201 in November. That's the right direction, but I'd be happier if it were falling faster. I saw my medical oncologist today and our plan is to treat some lesser problems (iron deficiency and urological function) now so that if I have to face something scarier later I'll be in the best shape possible.

Mary said...

It is Christmas Eve and I am thinking of you and praying to a higher power on your behalf. I continue to hope for news that you want to hear. If I could give you a gift, it would be the gift of peace. I trust that you are feeling better after treatment for the iron deficiency and urological function. Let us hear...
Your friend, Mary

Unknown said...

have faith and b strong from trinidad